Writing

Kind of lazy person ever, huh? Maybe, I am. After the thesis thing that drained almost all my writing spirit this year. I have many things I want to write and share with you here. Even sometimes, I got an idea while I'm doing something and when finally I finished it, I already lose the basic idea of write-that-thing.

I just lie to myself to do it tomorrow. So many fake promises.

I decided to blogging since I admired some people do blogging. I impressed by how can they influence reader  simply by wrote their experiences. Anything, from fashion to D-I-Y, from adventures to self-reflection or thought that empowering. I want to do the same for anyone who accidentally open this unfortunately-became-useless-blog.

You all see how many post I made since the first time I blogged, very few. Writing is easy, but to write something make the writer and reader satisfied is hard. Believe me, cause it need not only ideas, but also effort to make word to sentences, and some paragraphs. And now, it's the trend to do what they called VLOG. What is it? I bet you already knew. According to ZMD (2005) on Urban Dictionary, VLOG is abbreviation of video log that anyone could be a journalist to communicate about life, opinions, or interest with their audiences [Vlog]. Basically, it's like speech with more attractive packaging. What make it seems interesting for you is, you just sit there, watch and hear they talked. It's all about the visual and the content they served. Bad news for me is, I can't do it cause I have very severe direct speech unless you can read my-all the time-self monologue-inside-my head. Another thing make it impossible for me is, you may faint see my face. Beauty is not me. That's it. Beside, I like writing more than speaking to state thing.

Like the previous resolution, I want to write more. Not for you, but for my self. I find it peaceful to write what I feel or what I think cause no one will argue me here since I don't have many followers and I doubt they read it too.. Hahaha  

Now What? / Then What?

People say, “one step closer,”

I would asked, “to what?”

I proudly announced that I officially graduated. YEAY! But then, I sadly tell you that it’s kind of mirage or (fatamorgana for oasis in the dessert). The next day after the ceremony, people tend to ask, what am I doing then? What kind of job I expected? Where will I live? Do I apply in this company? What about that company? And the greatest explosion comes from the question “are you planning to get married?”

Peeps, believe me. I know you wish the best for me, and what I want is the same as you are. I want to get a job as soon as possible, any kind as long as it halal and I can meet their requirements. For notes, if it is possible, seven to eight digit in my paycheck. I want to live somewhere I could called it home, somewhere I can be myself. Yes, of course I’m trying to sell myself from one to another company. And BAM! You all asked about my private life. I’m pretty sure, no one in this world would be happy live their life alone. Being together with someone we deeply connected both physically and mentally (or we always name it jodoh, the other half, soul mate, etc) is happiness and even some people called it home. That is exactly what I want to. One thing you forget is the fact that what we want is not always what Allah as The One and Only who makes this life possible, planned.

After all, what we search and try to reach in this world, in this dunya? I have better question, “are we already grateful with what we got?, and are we ever (for once) happy live our life?”

Anyway, it’s actually about good news that I already finished my study. Thank you for the support, for the dua, and for anything that make it happened. I’m sorry for still trying to be a good person, the successful one, or whatever you named it.

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

But there's a danger in loving somebody to much,

and it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.

Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough. 

by. Patty Smith

Natural Woman

The trip without an elaborate plan maybe brings you to the best adventure. It gives you surprises and memories to remember, and stories for friends or our future childs and grandchilds. Mostly, amazing moments comes unexpectedly. Nowadays, i prefer to nature than shophisticated-modern-entertainment thing like mall. I like mountain more than beach. Why? I live near beach and when i was just a little girl with loose t shirt and sweatpants, almost every sunday morning me and my friend rode bikes to beach and play in there.

The trip to Ngelanggeran wasn't planned well. Me and my friend, Luna, just talked (normal talk, like any other girl do when they meet). Then we shared thought about being bored and need to be refreshed immediately. Or we'll gone crazy and in the worst case maybe become a zombie. Na'ah!! I know you expected me to make a drama, but no.. At least, even when our mental up and down, sometimes. We don't want join zombie gang (still doubting that zombie really exist). We both don't want just go to teather for movie or restaurant to grab some food or mall to spend money on clothes, shoes, anything we don't really need cause i'm typically such a impulsive buyer. Gosh, being this kind of buyer is hard, especially in the end of the month. So we decided to go to somewhere natural. 

Here we are, after long road. Like literally long road, cause we lost somewhere but fortunately we could back to track. Can see the photos? Luna is such a good photographer, right? 

Just realized I have that kind of happy face. These photo taken in Gunung Purba, Nglanggeran. You just need climb about 10 meter from where you parked your motorcycle or car.

And these, taken in Embung Nglanggeran. It isn't far away from Gunung Purba. You won't believe they build big pool in the middle of nowhere. Please do visit these beautiful place when you come to Jogja. 

Well, i miss Luna since she left Jogja for good circa November last year. She's preparing herself and family for umrah. I pray the best for you girl. And please, don't forget to back Jogja..

Editor's Choices

This drama brings back a memory of my past dream job, being an editor for a novel or magazine. Why I have such a dream job in the past? I like reading, even until now. But, what I read become broader from novel, comics, (online) magazines, article journals for a paper work. It's not the point of this post, cause what I wamt to share is this jdrama called Jimi ni Sugoi. This drama tells about Kono Etsuko who dreams being an editor in fashion magazine cause she really love reading fashion magazine, and her fashion style states it. She got her dream job in her dream company. But, she's assigned being an editor for a book, not a fashion magazine. Her head departmen makes sure she could transfer as long as she showed her effort as a book editor. The story is about problems she faces as a book editor and being fashion magazines reader help her a lot. See? You may gain information or even knowledge from anywhere and we’ll never know it may be useful somehow. What attracts me is her fashion style. Despite being book editor, she is so stylish when others in her department show a conservative style with blue or black suit.

Check out her style below. All pictures credit here

Colourful skirt and knit top may brighten mood of the day

 Roaring with skirt or handbag, maybe?

Who say petite girl can't wear highwaist flare or brocade culotte pants? She proved we can gurls! 

 Printed clothes never dies.. And oh! That dark gold pump is to die for..

These days, so into cute-baby-doll-like-clothes

Even, her pajamas make my daily clothes envies

Expectation

People said, get out of your comfort zone and let the next stop challenges you.

Is it the right thing to do? 

We live our life without manuals.

We have parents, siblings, someone we called brother or sister, best friends, friends, stranger that good enough to share stories, someone we named teachers or lectures that guide us in some way so that at least we don't make mistake as they did before. They tried to make our life become what people nowdays labeled as "success". It's a packaged of good job, good salary, nice home, beautiful and kind spouse (for the serious issues, no more boy/girl-friend-ing), beautiful and nice kids, more than one health insurance, and so on.. The truth is, society nowadays become so much demanding. The moment you got a degree from university, people ask where are you work? When you finally got a desk in an office, they started to ask when will you married? When you are lucky enough to married someone, people asked about childs you have. It doesn't finish till finally they can't ask anything anymore (and maybe it's still gonna be a mystery when they'll stop asking). At one moment, you would hesitate either they care about you or just like to meddle. Yet, sometimes (even with the best "guidance") we still have anxiety. 

Here's the thing..

Life manuals for one to another is different, and life manuals (maybe) isn't exist.

There's no right answer for every decision in life cause, isn't life about learning? 

We might live in same roof, ate same food, went to same schools, and others.. But the consequences of the same decision we took will different whether it good or bad. One might take it as a good experience, some other make it as scapegoat. So, move from comfort zone and take another challange, is it bring you a success? Or happiness? Or both? Go ask yourself, what is your priority? Are you considering people you love when you make that priority? At what point you'll stop challenge you're self? Can we just live a life we want? It's hard when you live in community. The anxiety appears because we know what society expect us to be and what the reality we should face to meet the expectation. Being in your comfort zone or other zone is your choice, and people will always tell you what are right and wrong, predict all things to happen, tell your responsibility (even when you getting older and already know without them had to highlight every sentence). Any thought?

       

jumpsuit

Since my mom doing garment business, sometimes i take clothes from her store. The business she's doing isn't a big one, but it goes well (alhamdulillah). And somehow, for the sake of ethics and healthiness, everyone should wear clothes, right? That's why fashion industry improved alot (well, it makes me want to write something about this industry).  This batik jumpsuit is her friend's item that my mom help her to sell it. But it's too cute and when i tried it out, just feel it should be mine. So i asked my mom to buy it for me (there's time when i have to pay things i took). After a long, long negotiation she gave up and told me to just take it (maybe she didn't want to hear me whinned anymore). O-YEAH!

Fight the virus

After three days doing nothing but bed rest, finally i decided to see a doctor and got checked up. At first, it just fever, severe one. I didn't take any medicine cause I tend to avoid it. I just laid on bed for two days and took a vitamin c, couldn't swallow food cause anything went my mouth tasted bitter. At that point, i realized that i do really sick. But, I still persistent avoid medicine or see a doctor (well, if i already went to a doctor then absolutely i took a medicine, right?). The fever come and go, and it make me worry cause my friend told that it's already dengue fever season. Another things are flu and cough that followed up. Gosh... It's tiring. Heavy breath, and sometimes my nose is just blocked. I'm not a child that make complaints over my sickness.. But, you know, a patient just want to be heared..

So, today, I decided to see a doctor in last minute. I told the doctor about a fever, flu, cough without phlegm, and headache. A nurse checked my blood pressure and temperature. The temperature a bit high than it should be (36,7°C). Then the doctor asked me to do blood check cause it's-dengue fever-season. Just to make sure, whether my fever is just because flu and cough, or not. I did agree and went to lab to check it. Problem happen here. The nurse who would took my blood sample almost frustrated cause after he shot my left hand with needle, not even a single drop of blood appear. I feel bad, so I offer him my right hand. Annnnd..., it worse cause the location of vessels hard to find. And after it found, the needle went on, and the syringe was pulled out.. Nothing in there. The nurse was shocked (he should knew, i did feel the same, more or less). Why, oh why? He told me that maybe i rarely do workout. True (i'm being honest here). Maybe, the water consumption is less. Nope, i took more and more, since i my body doesn't fit (shameless, lame excuse). At the end, he decided to take the blood sample by my finger. He said that it usually for childs patient not adults. It so embarrassing when I came back there after paid the bill. I'll take the result when I see a little girl had same bandage as me, at the middle finger of left hand. I tried my best to hide it..

I came back to doctor chamber to give the result from the lab. Thankfully, it isn't dengue fever and everything is good. The virus is here in my body for the flu and cough. She prescribed me some kind of medicine to help my body fight the virus. Hopefully i'll win the battle and get better soon.